Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
