??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
