man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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