Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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