Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
