I forgot how hot balto sounded
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
