I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
