Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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