i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
