im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
