I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Damn victory sex feels great
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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