Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
