Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
