The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
