I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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