I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
