umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
