u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Mom said you looked used
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
