I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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