she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
