I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
