I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
