I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
