My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Mom said you looked used
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
