I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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