so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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