I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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