dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
