Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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