All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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