He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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