My first STD was from a foam party
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Boobs are out for the taking
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
