Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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