his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
