have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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