Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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