I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
