Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
