whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
