Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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