just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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