He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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