please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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