He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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