so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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