I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
