News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
