I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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