I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
