You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
