I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
