I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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