That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
