Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
