so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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