3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
