i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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