there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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