The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When did angry sex become our thing?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize