i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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