When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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