Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize