i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
