I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
