Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
