i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
